What will happen to the dog?
When Iris agrees to adopt Apollo, the dog of her recently deceased friend and mentor, Walter, she asks herself this question a lot. Apollo is depressed by his master’s passing. He isn’t eating. He sits by the front door for hours, waiting for his best friend to return home.
But Walter isn’t coming home. And his wife, Barbara, can’t communicate that to Apollo. And she can’t handle having Apollo around anymore, either. Every time she starts to pull herself together, she spots Apollo waiting by the door and falls apart all over again.
So the task falls to Iris, Walter’s best friend. “It’s what Walter wanted,” Barbara insists. Iris isn’t so sure. Walter knew she wasn’t a dog person. He knew her apartment complex didn’t allow dogs. And even if he didn’t, he had to have known a Great Dane wasn’t going to fit well into a studio apartment.
However, Iris doesn’t have it in her to abandon Apollo. When she sees him and the other sad-looking dogs at the kennel, she realizes that at the very least, she needs to find a new home for Apollo.
But as Iris begins to care for Apollo, her perspective changes. Apollo seems to enjoy her company, and he begins to accept her as his new master. He begins to obey her commands and eat his food. And somehow, Iris is comforted by Apollo, too. The big dog reminds her of her old friend, and she doesn’t want to see him abandoned again.
Unfortunately, as much as Iris wants to do the right thing for Apollo, she’s running out of time. Her apartment complex has threatened to evict her if she doesn’t get rid of the dog. And none of the no-kill shelters have room for the Great Dane.
So, Iris asks herself once again: What will happen to the dog?
The Friend includes some very raw discussions about the different ways that people grieve. A kind therapist encourages Iris to process her grief over Walter’s loss by writing about her feelings (since she’s a writer). And in this process, Iris realizes that as upset as she is over Walter’s sudden death, she’s more scared of losing Apollo the same way. The Great Dane is six years old—which is quite elderly by the breed’s standards. And the film invites audiences to empathize with this fear: It may seem silly, but pets really can feel like part of your family. And sometimes losing a four-legged friend is just as difficult as losing a human one.
Iris registers Apollo as an emotional support animal. She’s worried that she’s doing this for the wrong reasons: namely, to keep her rent-controlled apartment. However, it’s clear to audiences and to the therapist who evaluates her and Apollo that the pair really do need each other. And that the loss of each other could even have life-threatening consequences.
We learn that when Walter unexpectedly learned he had a grown daughter, Val, he welcomed her into his life, even asking her to help Iris edit a book for him so he could get to know her better. And Iris reinforces Val’s value, telling the younger woman that she is wanted and loved.
Iris is a bit mean to the superintendent of her building after he informs her that the landlord is evicting her. However, they both apologize to each other later, since he was just doing his job and didn’t mean to hurt her.
Walter compares his discovery of Apollo to a fairy tale, saying it was “magical” how the dog appeared to him. And the fairy tale itself talks about granting wishes.
Walter was a bit of a cad. He was married three times, divorced twice and had countless affairs with his adult female students, one of which took place just after his first divorce and resulted in a pregnancy. Iris herself once slept with Walter, though this was before his first marriage. But many of Walter’s dalliances were hurt by his callous behavior toward them. That said, people still joke about Walter’s many affairs, though we also hear that he was rightly forced to stop teaching after his “misconduct” was reported.
A male student gets upset when his (mostly female) classmates comment that he doesn’t write enough female characters. He defends himself to Iris (their teacher), telling her that he writes many female characters but that they’re mostly featured in sex scenes. And he avoids reading that material in the workshop, since his classmates would likely get even more upset.
Iris speaks to a same-sex married couple at a party. One of them says Iris’ dad used to sing with him in the Gay Man’s Chorus. We see Iris’ silhouette as she showers and changes clothes. She also walks around in a towel post-shower. Someone jokes about male genitals.
We learn that Walter died by suicide. The details are never given, but when Iris says she’s been “reading up” on suicide to cope with her feelings, she’s warned to stop since “suicide is contagious.” Elsewhere, we learn that Walter used to tell a crass joke about “suicidal people.” And Iris notes that many people who survive a suicide attempt later regret trying to end their lives.
Iris describes a fairy tale as a “rape fantasy,” wherein a “pervy soldier” kidnapped a princess so he could have sex with her while she slept.
There are more than 10 uses of the f-word and about six of the s-word. We hear “a–hole,” “d–mit,” “h—” and “p–ck.” God’s name is abused nearly 20 times. Jesus’ name is abused twice.
Val visits Iris late one night, clearly inebriated. People drink wine. A man smokes a cigarette. Iris invites someone to celebrate with champagne.
Iris realizes that part of the reason she’s grieving Walter’s death so heavily is because she’s mad at him. She feels that his choice to end his life was selfish and self-pitying. And she’s angry that he didn’t consider any of the people who would miss him—or, for that matter, Apollo, to whom Walter was his whole world.
We learn that Apollo was abandoned by his previous owner, before Walter adopted him. Barbara puts Apollo in a kennel after Walter’s death, unintentionally furthering the dog’s trauma. One of Walter’s ex-wives offers to care for Apollo, but she quickly recants after realizing that caring for an animal is a lot of responsibility.
Iris breaks many rules regarding dog-free areas in her efforts to keep Apollo. She’s also sometimes rude to people who urge her to put her own needs before the dog’s needs.
Barbara is often rude to Walter’s exes, and to his daughter, Val. One of Walter’s ex-wives feigns grief to get sympathy at his funeral. A man checks his email during Walter’s memorial service. Someone nonchalantly offers condolences to Iris as he passes her in the hall. A book publisher tries to capitalize on Walter’s death.
Someone talks about Apollo becoming incontinent as he ages. We see Apollo urinating on a tree. Iris throws away dog poop after cleaning up after Apollo.
The Friend offers a unique and sometimes confusing look at grief. The truth is that everyone grieves in different ways. And sometimes people do things they never would have thought possible to process the loss of life.
Iris never would have thought she’d adopt a Great Dane. She never would have pictured herself fighting for the dog’s right to live with her in her tiny studio apartment. And she certainly couldn’t have imagined Apollo becoming her best friend.
But this acceptance of Apollo helps Iris to understand grief and love in new ways. And it helps her to finally accept Walter’s passing, too.
While The Friend has a lot of heart, it also has a lot of problems. Walter died by suicide, which is why Iris has such a hard time accepting his death to begin with. We don’t see any depiction of this act onscreen, but much of the movie’s theme deals with this sensitive topic.
Walter was also a bit callous in his romantic relationships. Five of the women he slept with are named in this film, but we hear there were many, many more. Language is also quite harsh and the main reason The Friend gets its R-rating.
Those elements certainly take this movie out of the realm of watchability for families. Perhaps adults watching could discuss The Friend’s themes, evaluating Iris’ feelings toward Walter’s death and Apollo’s new place in her life. But I’d also argue that you don’t necessarily need to watch this tearjerker to have a meaningful conversation about the significant themes this story addresses.
Emily studied film and writing when she was in college. And when she isn’t being way too competitive while playing board games, she enjoys food, sleep, and geeking out with her husband indulging in their “nerdoms,” which is the collective fan cultures of everything they love, such as Star Wars, Star Trek, Stargate and Lord of the Rings.
